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God cures and the doctor sends the bill.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Sends
Cures
Doctor
Bill
Bills
Doctors

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You ought never to sass old people- unless they sass you first.
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We write frankly and freely, but then we modify before we print.
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Every generalization is dangerous, especially this one.
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Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other.
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If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could to-day.
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When an honest writer discovers an imposition it is his simple duty to strip it bare and hurl it down from its place of honor, no matter who suffers by it any other course would render him unworthy of the public confidence.
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Creed and opinion change with time, and their symbols perish but Literature and its temples are sacred to all creeds and inviolate.
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Most people can't bear to sit in church for an hour on Sundays. How are they supposed to live somewhere very similar to it for eternity?
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Behold, the fool saith, Put not all thine eggs in the one basket - which is but a matter of saying, Scatter your money and your attention but the wise man saith, Pull all your eggs in the one basket and - WATCH THAT BASKET. - Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar
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I couldn't bear to think about it and yet, somehow, I couldn't think about nothing else.
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Probably there is an imperceptible touch of something permanent that one feels instinctively to adhere to true humour, whereas wit may be the mere conversational shooting up of smartness--a bright feather, to be blown into space the second after it is launched...Wit seems to be counted a very poor relation to Humour....Humour is never artifici
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He was endowed with a stupidity which by the least little stretch would go around the globe four times and tie.
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If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.
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The test of any good fiction is that you should care something for the characters the good to succeed, the bad to fail. The trouble with most fiction is that you want them all to land in hell, together, as quickly as possible.
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There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous and shallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what you know ain't so'.
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First catch your Boer, then kick him.
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When you ascend the hill of prosperity, may you not meet a friend.
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If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.
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There isn't anything you can't stand if you are only born and bred to it.
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