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None of us can have as many virtues as the fountain-pen, or half its cussedness but we can try.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
None
Virtue
Half
Many
Trying
Fountain
Pens
Virtues

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When a man's dog turns against hime, it is time for his wife to pack her trunk and go home to mamma.
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There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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If to be interesting is to be uncommonplace, it is becoming a question, with me, if there are any commonplace people
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Marriage -- yes, it is the supreme felicity of life. I concede it. And it is also the supreme tragedy of life. The deeper the love the surer the tragedy. And the more disconsolating when it comes.
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More than once I had seen a noble who had gotten his enemy at a disadvantage stop to pray before cutting his throat.
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If you have nothing to say, say nothing.
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I couldn't bear to think about it and yet, somehow, I couldn't think about nothing else.
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A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razorstrap. A thing book is useful to stick under a table with a broken caster to steady it. A large, flat atlas can be used to cover a window with a broken pane. And a thick, old-fashioned heavy book with a clasp is the finest thing in the world to throw at a noisy cat.
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Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.
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A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law.
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Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned
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What do you think of the human mind? I mean, in case you think there is a human mind.
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If a spectacle is going to be particularly imposing I prefer to see it through somebody else's eyes, because that man will always exaggerate. Then I can exaggerate his exaggeration, and my account of the thing will be the most impressive.
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To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.
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In religion and politics people’s beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing.
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It is curious and interesting to notice what an attraction a fussy, mincing, nickel-plated word has for you.
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It has been said that a Scotchman has not seen the world until he has seen Edinburgh and I think that I may say that an American has not seen the United States until he has seen Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
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There are 869 different forms of lying, but only one of them has been squarely forbidden. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.
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A crowded police docket is the surest of all signs that trade is brisk and money plenty.
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