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None of us can have as many virtues as the fountain-pen, or half its cussedness but we can try.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Fountain
Pens
Virtues
None
Virtue
Half
Many
Trying
More quotes by Mark Twain
The cigar-box which the European calls a 'lift' needs but to be compared with our elevators to be appreciated. The lift stops to reflect between floors. That is all right in a hearse, but not in elevators. The American elevator acts like a man's patent purge-it works.
Mark Twain
[On Dutch flat poetry]: It is too smooth and blubbery it reads like butter-milk gurgling from a jug.
Mark Twain
The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.
Mark Twain
Prosperity is the surest breeder of insolence I know.
Mark Twain
I have traveled more than anyone else, and I have noticed that even the angels speak English with an accent.
Mark Twain
I pledged myself to smoke but one cigar a day. I kept the cigar waiting until bedtime, then I had a luxurious time with it. But desire persecuted me every day and all day long. I found myself hunting for larger cigars...within the month my cigar had grown to such proportions I could have used it as a crutch.
Mark Twain
Praise is well, compliment is well, but affection-that is the last and most precious reward that any man can win, whether by character or achievement.
Mark Twain
You cant reach old age by another man's road, my habits protect my life but they would assassinate you
Mark Twain
Is not this insanity plea becoming rather common? Is it not so common that the reader confidently expects to see it offered in every criminal case that comes before the courts?... Really, what we want now, is not laws against crime, but a law against insanity.
Mark Twain
They all laid their heads together like as many lawyers when they are gettin' ready to prove that a man's heirs ain't got any right to his property.
Mark Twain
Experience teaches us only one thing at a time - and hardly that, in my case.
Mark Twain
No public interest is anything other or nobler than a massed accumulation of private interests.
Mark Twain
Children have but little charity for one another's defects
Mark Twain
Wisdom teaches us that none but birds should go out early, and that not even birds should do it unless they are out of worms.
Mark Twain
Make your vacation your vocation.
Mark Twain
Newport, Rhode Island, that breeding place-that stud farm, so to speak-of aristocracy aristocracy of the American type.
Mark Twain
If all men were rich, all men would be poor.
Mark Twain
It is not in the least likely that any life has ever been lived which was not a failure in the secret judgment of the person who lived it.
Mark Twain
Give a man a reputation as an early riser and he can sleep 'til noon.
Mark Twain
The exquisitely bad is as satisfying to the soul as the exquisitely good. Only the mediocre is unendurable.
Mark Twain