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Benefit of clergy: Half-rate on the railroad.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Clergy
Benefit
Rate
Benefits
Half
Railroad
Railroads
More quotes by Mark Twain
Which is him? The grammar was faulty, maybe, but we could not know, then, that it would go in a book someday.
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There have been innumerable Temporary Seekers after the Truth-have you ever heard of a permanent one?
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But death was sweet, death was gentle, death was kind death healed the bruised spirit and the broken heart, and gave them rest and forgetfulness death was man’s best friend when man could endure life no longer, death came and set him free.
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Such is professional jealousy a scientist will never show any kindness for a theory which he did not start himself.
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Jim said that bees won't sting idiots, but I didn't believe that, because I tried them lots of times myself and they wouldn't sting me.
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Braveness is resistance to concern, mastery of panic - not absense of anxiety.
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A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?
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I am not given to exaggeration, and when I say a thing I mean it.
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Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink - under any circumstances.
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There is this trouble about special providences namely, there is so often a doubt as to which party was intended to be the beneficiary. In the case of the children, the bears, and the prophet, the bears got more real satisfaction out of the episode than the prophet did, because they got the children.
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Your friends may love you in private but your enemies will hate you in public.
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When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
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Forget and forgive. This is not difficult when properly understood.
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Loyalty is a word which has worked vast harm for it has been made to trick men into being loyal to a thousand iniquities, whereas the true loyalty should have been to themselves - in which case there would have ensured a rebellion, and the throwing off of that deceptive yoke.
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Honest poverty is a gem that even a king might be proud to call his own - but I wish to sell out
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Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.
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A banquet is probably the most fatiguing thing in the world except ditchdigging. It is the insanest of all recreations. The inventor of it overlooked no detail that could furnish weariness, distress, harassment, and acute and long-sustained misery of mind and body.
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If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.
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All the territorial possessions of all the political establishments in the earth--including America, of course-- consist of pilferings from other people's wash. No tribe, howsoever insignificant, and no nation, howsoever mighty occupies a foot of land that was not stolen.
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Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned
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