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If I'd seen a playwright ever write an' play at the same time, I'd have given 'em more of a chance at cards. Can I get an 'amen?'

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Play
Playwright
Writing
Ems
Time
Cards
Seen
Chance
Write
Given
Ever
Amen

More quotes by Mark Twain

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Never knew before what eternity was made for. It is to give some of us a chance to learn German.
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It were not best that we should all think alike.
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We all like to see people sea-sick when we are not ourselves.
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Happiness ain't a thing in itself -it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. And so, as soon as the novelty is over and the force of the contrast dulled, it ain't happiness any longer, and you have to get something fresh.
Mark Twain
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We have infinite trouble in solving man-made mysteries it is only when we set out to discover the secret of God that our difficulties disappear.
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I like criticism, but it must be my way.
Mark Twain
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I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.
Mark Twain
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We had an abundance of mangoes, papaias and bananas here, but the pride of the islands, the most delicious fruit known to men, cherimoya, was not in season. It has a soft pulp, like a pawpaw, and is eaten with a spoon.
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Leaving out the gamblers, the burglars, and the plumbers, perhaps we do put our trust in God after a fashion. But, after all, it is an overstatement. If the cholera or black plague should come to these shores, perhaps the bulk of the nation would pray to be delivered from it, but the rest would put their trust in The Health Board.
Mark Twain
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All say, ‘how hard it is that we have to die’ -- a strange complaint to come from the mouths of those who have had to live.
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The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.
Mark Twain
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Love is not a product of reasonings and statistics. It just comes-none knows whence-and cannot explain itself.
Mark Twain
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Whiskey is for drinking water is for fighting over.
Mark Twain
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Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
Mark Twain
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Drop this mean and sordid and selfish devotion to the saving of your shabby little souls, and hunt up something to do that's got some dignity to it! Risk your souls! Risk them in good causes then if you lose them, why should you care? Reform!
Mark Twain
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Never tell a lie-except for practice.
Mark Twain
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As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake.
Mark Twain
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There are people who think that honesty is always the best policy. This is a superstition. There are times when the appearance of it is worth six of it.
Mark Twain
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The unexamined life may not be worth living, but the life too closely examined may not be lived at all.
Mark Twain
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Public Servant: Persons chosen by the people to distribute the graft.
Mark Twain