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You ought never to sass old people- unless they sass you first.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
People
Sass
Unless
Ought
Firsts
First
Never

More quotes by Mark Twain

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But in this country we have one great privilege which they don't have in other countries. When a thing gets to be absolutely unbearable the people can rise up and throw it off. That's the finest asset we've got - the ballot box.
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Choosing not to read is like closing an open door to paradise
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He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
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All emotion is involuntary when genuine.
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The weakest of all weak things is a virtue that has not been tested in the fire.
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When congress is in session no American is safe.
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It has taken a weary long time to persuade American Presbyterians to give up infant damnation and try to bear it the best they can.
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Heaven is by favor if it were by merit your dog would go in and you would stay out. Of all the creatures ever made (man) is the most detestable. Of the entire brood, he is the only one... that possesses malice. He is the only creature that inflicts pain for sport, knowing it to be pain.
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What is the chief end of man?-to get rich. In what way?-dishonestly if we can honestly if we must. Who is God, the one and only true? Money is God. Gold and Greenbacks and Stock-father, son, and ghosts of same, three persons in one These are the true and only God, mighty and supreme.
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Demagogue--a vessel containing beer and other liquids.
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God cures and the doctor sends the bill.
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We have the best government that money can buy.
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I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.
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Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
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We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-
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In the ancient city of London, on a certain autumn day in the second quarter of the sixteenth century, a boy was born to a poor family of the name of Canty, who did not want him.
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Each man must for himself alone decide what is right and what is wrong, which course is patriotic and which isn't. You cannot shirk this and be a man. To decide against your conviction is to be an unqualified and excusable traitor, both to yourself and to your country, let men label you as they may.
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When someone dies, it is like when your house burns down it isn't for years that you realize the full extent of your loss.
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There are some few people I respect and admire, but I don't think much of the species.
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One compliment can keep me going for a whole month.
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