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I am able to say that while I am not ruggedly well, I am not ill enough to excite an undertaker.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Well
Enough
Undertaker
Excite
Ill
Able
Wells

More quotes by Mark Twain

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I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
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Knowledge becomes wisdom only after it has been put to good use.
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By common consent of all the nations and all the ages the most valuable thing in this world is the homage of men, whether deserved or undeserved.
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If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be — a Christian.
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There has been only one Christian. They caught and curcified him-early.
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English humor is hard to appreciate, though, unless you are trained to it. The English papers, in reporting my speeches, always put 'laughter' in the wrong place.
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Those who do not read have no advantage over those who cannot read.
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If we should deal out justice only, in this world, who would escape? No, it is better to be generous, and in the end more profitable, for it gains gratitude for us, and love.
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Morals consist of political morals, commercial morals, ecclesiastical morals, and morals.
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Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.
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The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.
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The election makes me think of a story of a man who was dying. He had only two minutes to live, so he sent for a clergyman and asked him, Where is the best place to go to? He was undecided about it. So the minister told him that each place had its advantages--heaven for climate, and hell for society.
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Time spent with your children is time wisely spent.
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An occultation of Venus is not half so difficult as an eclipse of the sun, but because it comes seldom the world thinks it's a grand thing.
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He gossips habitually he lacks the common wisdom to keep still that deadly enemy of man, his own tongue.
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The Creator made Italy from designs by Michelangelo.
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I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache and what is more, I never intend to have it.
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A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words in a book or newspaper the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.
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Do something everyday that you don't want to do.
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Some people bring joy wherever they go, and some people bring joy whenever they go.
Mark Twain