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I am able to say that while I am not ruggedly well, I am not ill enough to excite an undertaker.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Undertaker
Excite
Ill
Able
Wells
Well
Enough

More quotes by Mark Twain

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There is no such thing as the Queen's English. The property has gone into the hands of a joint stock company and we own the bulk of the shares!
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The ability to find solutions to life's challenges is what makes us grow as a person.
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I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
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Each season brings a world of enjoyment and interest in the watching of its unfolding, its gradual harmonious development, its culminating graces-and just as one begins to tire of it, it passes away and a radical change comes, with new witcheries and new glories in its train.
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I am the entire human race compacted together. I have found that there is no ingredient of the race which I do not possess in either a small way or a large way.
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There is not a single celebrated Southern name in any of the departments of human industry except those of war, assassination, lynching, murder, the duel, repudiation, & massacre.
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Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.
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Don't dream your life, but live your dream
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What a curious kind of fool a girl is. Never been licked in school. What's a licking?
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You ought never to sass old people- unless they sass you first.
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I cannot help but notice that there is no problem between us that cannot be solved by your departure.
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The secret of getting ahead is getting started
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When I was 17, my father was so stupid, I didn't want to be seen with him in public. When I was 24, I was amazed at how much the old man had learned in just 7 years.
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It is a solemn thought: dead, the noblest man's meat is inferior to pork.
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There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press
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The miracle or the power that elevates the few is to be found in their industry, application and perseverance under the promptings of a brave, determined spirit.
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If I were going to construct a God I would furnish him with some ways and qualities and characteristics which the Present One lacks... He would spend some of His eternities in trying to forgive Himself for making man unhappy when He could have made him happy with the same effort and He would spend the rest of them in studying astronomy.
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Often a quite assified remark becomes sanctified by use and petrified by custom it is then a permanency, its term of activity a geologic period.
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There is only one good sex. The female one.
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Optimist: Person who travels on nothing from nowhere to happiness.
Mark Twain