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Your friends may love you in private but your enemies will hate you in public.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Hate
May
Love
Enemies
Private
Enemy
Public
Friends

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The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the tellingthe comic and the witty story upon the matter.
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Man is a marvelous curiosity...he thinks he is the Creator's pet...he even believes the Creator loves him has passion for him sits up nights to admire him yes and watch over him and keep him out of trouble. He prays to him and thinks he listens. Isn't it a quaint idea.
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I admire him, I frankly confess it and when his time is come I shall buy a piece of the rope for a keepsake.
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The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopt.
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Nothing is so ignorant as a man's left hand, except a lady's watch.
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It may be called the Master Passion, the hunger for self-approval.
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Some civilized women would lose half their charm without dress and some would lose all of it.
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A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.
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There are two things nobody should ever have to watch being made, sausage and laws.
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... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar.
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Broad, wholesome, charitable views .. can not be acquired by vegetating in one's little corner of the earth.
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Every civilization carries the seeds of its own destruction, and the same cycle shows in them all. The Republic is born, flourishes, decays into plutocracy, and is captured by the shoemaker whom the mercenaries and millionaires make into a king. The people invent their oppressors, and the oppressors serve the function for which they are invented.
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Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
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Conformity—the natural instinct to passively yield to that vague something recognized as authority.
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If I were going to construct a God I would furnish him with some ways and qualities and characteristics which the Present One lacks... He would spend some of His eternities in trying to forgive Himself for making man unhappy when He could have made him happy with the same effort and He would spend the rest of them in studying astronomy.
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Does the human being reason? No he thinks, muses, reflects, but does not reason...that is, in the two things which are the peculiar domain of the heart, not the mind, politics and religion. He doesn't want to know the other side. He wants arguments and statistics for his own side, and nothing more.
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Constellations have always been troublesome things to name. If you give one of them a fanciful name, it will always refuse to live up to it it will always persist in not resembling the thing it has been named for.
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It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.
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We write frankly and freely, but then we modify before we print.
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There are no people who are quite so vulgar as the over-refined.
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