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A historian who would convey the truth has got to lie. Often he must enlarge the truth by diameters, otherwise his reader would not be able to see it.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Must
Convey
Would
Historian
Otherwise
Reader
Lying
Often
Truth
Able
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There are things which some people never attempt during their whole lives, but one of these is not poetry. Poetry attacks all human beings sooner or later, and, like the measles, is mild or violent according to the age of the sufferer.
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Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
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Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
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Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'
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If you have to swallow a frog, don't stare at it too long.
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The country is the real thing, the substantial thing, the eternal thing, it is the thing to watch over and care for and be loyal to institutions are extraneous. . . .
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Cats are the wildest of the tame and the tamest of the wild
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What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.
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He [George Washington Cable] has taught me to abhor and detest the Sabbath day and hunt up new and troublesome ways to dishonor it.
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The Indian may seem poor to we rich Westerners but in matters of the spirit it is we who are the paupers and they who are millionaires.
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The average American's simplest and commonest form of breakfast consists of coffee and beefsteak.
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His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.
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Thanksgiving day. Let us all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks now, but the turkeys.
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I have a religion-but you will call it blasphemy. It is that there is a God for the rich man but none for the poor.....Perhaps your religion will sustain you,will feed you-I place no dependence in mine. Our religions are alike, though, in one respect-neither can make a man happy when he is out of luck.
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When grown-up persons indulge in practical jokes, the fact gauges them. They have lived narrow, obscure, and ignorant lives, and at full manhood they still retain and cherish a job lot of left-over standards and ideals that would have been discarded with their boyhood if they had then moved out into the world and a broader life.
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Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident the only earthly certainty is oblivion.
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