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I like criticism, but it must be my way.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Criticism
Must
Way
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Humor is man's greatest blessing.
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To be satisfied with what one has that is wealth.
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What a world of trouble those who never marry escape! There are many happy matches, it is true, and sometimes my dear, and my love come from the heart but what sensible bachelor, rejoicing in his freedom and years of discretion, will run the tremendous risk?
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If you will notice, there is seldom a telegram in a paper which fails to show up one or more members & beneficiaries of our Civilization as promenading with his shirt-tail up & the rest of his regalia in the wash.
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Politicians, old buildings, and prostitutes become respectable with age.
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Nothing so focuses the mind as the prospect of being hanged.
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Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
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Shut the door not that it lets in the cold but that it lets out the coziness.
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I am always on the side of the revolutionists, because there never was a revolution unless there were some oppressive and intolerable conditions against which to revolute.
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Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR per G.G., CHIEF OF ORDNANCE
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The most outrageous lies that can be invented will find believers if a person only tells them with all his might.
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When I want to read something nice, I sit down and write it myself.
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Patriotism is merely a religion-love of country, worship of country, devotion to the country's flag and honor and welfare.
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It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race.
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Pilgrim's Progress , about a man that left his family, it didn't say why. I read considerable in it now and then. The statements was interesting, but tough.
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I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again.
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Sometimes people do get hurt
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People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either being made.
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It is a shameful thing to insult a child.
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The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
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