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In writing, I shall always confine myself strictly to the truth, except when it is attended with inconvenience.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Attended
Inconvenience
Strictly
Except
Shall
Truth
Writing
Always
Confine

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You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.
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I pity the fellow who has to create a dialect or paraphrase the dictionary to get laughs. I can't spell, but I have never stooped to spell cat with a 'k' to get at your funny bone. I love a drink, but I never encouraged drunkenness by harping on its alleged funny side.
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Why is it that, among men, physical courage is a trait so plenteous yet moral courage is a trait so rare?
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A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
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But I reckon I got to light out for the Territory ahead of therest, because Aunt Sally she's going to adopt me and sivilize me, and I can't stand it. I been there before.
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I do not allow my schooling to interfere with my education
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No one can tell me what is a good cigar--for me. I am the only judge... There are no standards--no real standards. Each man's preference is the only standard for him, the only one which he can accept, the only one which can command him.
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The calamity that comes is never the one we had prepared ourselves for.
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Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so it is the sickening grammar that they use.
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Do your duty today and repent tomorrow.
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I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
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A marriage. . .will give a new gladness to the sunshine, a new fragrance to the flowers, a new beauty to the earth, and a new mystery to life.
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There is no salvation for us but to adopt Civilization and lift ourselves down to its level.
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I do not want Michael Angelo for breakfast-but for luncheon-for dinner- for tea-for supper-for between meals.
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The newspaper that obstructs the law on a trivial pretext, for money's sake, is a dangerous enemy to the public weal. That awful power, the public opinion of a nation, is created in America by a horde of ignorant, self-complacent simpletons who failed at ditching and shoemaking and fetched up in journalism on their way to the poorhouse.
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Travel has no longer any charm for me. I have seen all the foreign countries I want to except heaven & hell & I have only a vague curiosity about one of those.
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Whiskey is carried into committee rooms in demijohns and carried out in demagogues.
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What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.
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I have damaged my intellect trying to imagine why a man should want to invent a repeating clock, and how another man could be found to lust after it and buy it. The man who can guess these riddles is far on the way to guess why the human race was invented - which is another riddle which tires me.
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I'm pushing 60 years of age...and that's enough exercise for me.
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