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Ours is the land of the free-nobody denies that-nobody challenges it. (Maybe it is because we won't let other people testify.)

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Deny
Nobody
Challenges
Land
Maybe
Free
People
Testify
Denies

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It takes some little time to accept and realize the fact that while you have been growing old, your friends have not been standing still, in that matter.
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Jesus died to save men - a small thing for an immortal to do - and didn't save many, anyway. But if he had been damned for the race, that would have been act of a size proper to a god, and would have saved the whole race.
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It makes one hope and believe that a day will come when, in the eye of the law, literary property will be as sacred as whiskey, or any other of the necessaries of life. It grieves me to think how far more profound and reverent a respect the law would have for literature if a body could only get drunk on it.
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When you ascend the hill of prosperity, may you not meet a friend.
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When grown-up persons indulge in practical jokes, the fact gauges them. They have lived narrow, obscure, and ignorant lives, and at full manhood they still retain and cherish a job lot of left-over standards and ideals that would have been discarded with their boyhood if they had then moved out into the world and a broader life.
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Germany, the diseased world's bathhouse.
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Fortune knocks at every man's door once in a life, but in a good many cases the man is in a neighboring saloon and does not hear her.
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We called him Barney for short. We couldn't use his real name, there wasn't time.
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Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
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The minute we get reconciled to a person, how willing we are to throw aside little needless punctilios and pronounce his name right.
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You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
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High and fine literature is wine, and mine is only water but everybody likes water.
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Conscience, man's moral medicine chest.
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It's so damned humiliating.
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Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought.
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George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.
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I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.
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If I'd seen a playwright ever write an' play at the same time, I'd have given 'em more of a chance at cards. Can I get an 'amen?'
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I am losing enough sleep to supply a worn-out army.
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Never argue with people who buy ink by the gallon.
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