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There is only one good sex. The female one.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Female
Sex
Good

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When I want to read something nice, I sit down and write it myself.
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Dates are hard to remember because they consist of figures figures are monotonously unstriking in appearance, and they don't take hold, they form no pictures, and so they give the eye no chance to help. Pictures are the thing. Pictures can make dates stick.
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When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
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Men are easily dealt with--but when you get the women started, you are in for it, you know.
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Therein lies the defect of revenge: it's all in the anticipation the thing itself is a pain, not a pleasure at least the pain is the biggest end of it.
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When a man's dog turns against hime, it is time for his wife to pack her trunk and go home to mamma.
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In the South the war is what A.D. is elsewhere they date from it.
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Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
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We all like to see people sea-sick when we are not ourselves.
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Grown people everywhere are always likely to cling to the religion they were brought up in.
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Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.
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There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life when he has a raging desire to go somewhere and dig for hidden treasure.
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A half-truth is the most cowardly of lies.
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History doesn't repeat itself it rhymes.
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A railroad is like a lie you have to keep building it to make it stand.
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Tough times teach trust.
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The frankest and freest and privatest product of the human mind and heart is a love letter.
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Humor is like a frog if you dissect it, it dies.
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The minute we get reconciled to a person, how willing we are to throw aside little needless punctilios and pronounce his name right.
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But I reckon I got to light out for the Territory ahead of therest, because Aunt Sally she's going to adopt me and sivilize me, and I can't stand it. I been there before.
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