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There is only one good sex. The female one.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Sex
Good
Female

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I cannot help but notice that there is no problem between us that cannot be solved by your departure.
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The two Testaments are interesting, each in its own way. The Old one gives us a picture of these people's Deity as he was before he got religion, the other one gives us a picture of him as he appeared afterward.
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We are always too busy for our children we never give them the time or interest they deserve. We lavish gifts upon them but the most precious gift, our personal association, which means so much to them, we give grudgingly.
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If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill came always together, who would escape hanging?
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One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a really beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her and the rule applies to Niagara Falls, to majestic mountains, and to mosques-especially to mosques.
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Humor, to be comprehensible to anybody, must be built upon a foundation with which he is familiar. If he can't see the foundation the superstructure is to him merely a freak -- like the Flatiron building without any visible means of support -- something that ought to be arrested.
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Such is luck! And such the treatment which honest, good perservance gets so often at the hands of unfair and malicious Nature!
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The most outrageous lies that can be invented will find believers if a person only tells them with all his might.
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Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?
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None of us can have as many virtues as the fountain-pen, or half its cussedness but we can try.
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Next to possessing genius one's self is the power of appreciating it in others.
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Homely truth is unpalatable.
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The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.
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Do your duty today and repent tomorrow.
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Are you so unobservant as not to have found out that sanity and happiness are an impossible combination?
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If you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.
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And how moving is the eloquence of the untaught when it is the heart that is speaking!
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Your road is everything that a road ought to be...and yet you will not stay in it half a mile, for the reason that little, seductive, mysterious roads are always branching out from it on either hand, and as these curve sharply also and hide what is beyond, you cannot resist the temptation to desert your own chosen path and explore them.
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I prefer milk because I am a Prohibitionist, but I do not go to it for inspiration.
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The only very marked difference between the average civilized man and the average savage is that the one is gilded and the other is painted.
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