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Every time I read a Jane Austen novel, I feel like a bartender at the gates of heaven.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Feels
Bartender
Every
Austen
Time
Jane
Like
Gates
Novel
Heaven
Read
Feel
More quotes by Mark Twain
Do your duty today and repent tomorrow.
Mark Twain
There have been innumerable Temporary Seekers after the Truth-have you ever heard of a permanent one?
Mark Twain
To eat is human, to digest, divine
Mark Twain
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
Mark Twain
Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
Mark Twain
I wrote 'Tom Sawyer' and 'Huck Finn' for adults exclusively, and it always distressed me when I find that boys and girls have been allowed access to them. The mind that becomes soiled in youth can never again be washed clean.
Mark Twain
When one reads Bibles, one is less surprised at what the Deity knows than at what He doesn't know.
Mark Twain
Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it.
Mark Twain
There is no security in life, only opportunity.
Mark Twain
Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company!
Mark Twain
April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.
Mark Twain
I was standing in our dining-room thinking of nothing in particular, when a cablegram was put into my hand. It said, 'Susy was peacefully released today.' It is one of the mysteries of our nature that a man, all unprepared, can receive a thunder-stroke like that and live.
Mark Twain
Apparently one of the most uncertain things in the world is the funeral of a religion.
Mark Twain
The proverb says that Providence protects children and idiots. This is really true. I know because I have tested it.
Mark Twain
In other localities certain places in the streams are much better than others, but at Niagara one place is just as good as another, for the reason that the fish do not bite anywhere.
Mark Twain
Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
Mark Twain
When some men discharge an obligation, you can hear the report for miles around.
Mark Twain
The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.
Mark Twain
Doesn't make any difference who we are or what we are, there's always somebody to look down on.
Mark Twain
If you would beseech a blessing upon yourself, beware! lest without intent you invoke a curse upon a neighbor at the same time.
Mark Twain
