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I could be an idiot, or I can serve in Congress, but I repeat myself.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Repeat
Repeats
Idiot
Serve
Congress
More quotes by Mark Twain
The old man laughed loud and joyously, shook up the details of his anatomy from head to foot, and ended by saying that such a laugh was money in a man's pocket, because it cut down the doctor's bills like everything.
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I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.
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[The Bible is] a mass of fables and traditions, mere mythology.
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I like a good story well told. That is the reason I am sometimes forced to tell them myself.
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Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.
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We love old travelers: we love to hear them prate, drivel and lie we love them for their asinine vanity, their ability to bore, their luxuriant fertility of imagination, their startling, brilliant, overwhelming mendacity.
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If everyone was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes.
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She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot
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I do not allow my schooling to interfere with my education
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To get the right word in the right place is a rare achievement.
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I do love compliments, yet I'm often embarrassed to say what I think to the person when I get a compliment. I so often feel that they have not gone far enough.
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Stars and shadows ain't good to see by.
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Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.
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We take a natural interest in novelties, but it is against nature to take an interest in familiar things.
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Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company!
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If you're looking for friends when you need them...it's too late.
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There are no people who are quite so vulgar as the over-refined.
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Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.
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Whiskey is for drinking water is for fighting over.
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