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I could be an idiot, or I can serve in Congress, but I repeat myself.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Repeat
Repeats
Idiot
Serve
Congress

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The old man laughed loud and joyously, shook up the details of his anatomy from head to foot, and ended by saying that such a laugh was money in a man's pocket, because it cut down the doctor's bills like everything.
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We Americans worship the almighty dollar! Well, it is a worthier god than Heredity Privilege.
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I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.
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[The Bible is] a mass of fables and traditions, mere mythology.
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I like a good story well told. That is the reason I am sometimes forced to tell them myself.
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Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.
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We love old travelers: we love to hear them prate, drivel and lie we love them for their asinine vanity, their ability to bore, their luxuriant fertility of imagination, their startling, brilliant, overwhelming mendacity.
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If everyone was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes.
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She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot
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I do not allow my schooling to interfere with my education
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To get the right word in the right place is a rare achievement.
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I do love compliments, yet I'm often embarrassed to say what I think to the person when I get a compliment. I so often feel that they have not gone far enough.
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Stars and shadows ain't good to see by.
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Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.
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We take a natural interest in novelties, but it is against nature to take an interest in familiar things.
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Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company!
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If you're looking for friends when you need them...it's too late.
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There are no people who are quite so vulgar as the over-refined.
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Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.
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Whiskey is for drinking water is for fighting over.
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