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I could be an idiot, or I can serve in Congress, but I repeat myself.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Congress
Repeat
Repeats
Idiot
Serve

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For all the talk you hear about knowledge being such a wonderful thing, instinct is worth forty of it for real unerringness.
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A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law.
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Man is a marvelous curiosity...he thinks he is the Creator's pet...he even believes the Creator loves him has passion for him sits up nights to admire him yes and watch over him and keep him out of trouble. He prays to him and thinks he listens. Isn't it a quaint idea.
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Your actions speak so much louder than words.
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I wish I could make him understand that a loving good heart is riches enough, and that without it intellect is poverty.
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The Impartial Friend: Death, the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose pity and whose peace and whose refuge are for all--the soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved.
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He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.
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I couldn't bear to think about it and yet, somehow, I couldn't think about nothing else.
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There is no such thing as a new idea. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope.
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Every one knew he could foretell wars and famines, though that was not so hard, for there was always a war, and generally a famine somewhere.
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The human race is a race of cowards and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.
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It is the will of God that we must have critics and missionaries and congressmen and humorists, and we must bear the burden
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By law of periodical repetition, everything which has happened once must happen again and again -- and not capriciously, but at regular periods, and each thing in its own period, not another's and each obeying its own law.
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In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
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The source of all humor is not laughter, but sorrow.
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It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever blowing through one's head.
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The altar cloth of one aeon is the doormat of the next.
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Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
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Honest poverty is a gem that even a king might be proud to call his own - but I wish to sell out
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Never miss an opportunity to shut up.
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