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I could be an idiot, or I can serve in Congress, but I repeat myself.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Repeat
Repeats
Idiot
Serve
Congress

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An uneasy conscience is a hair in the mouth.
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Distance lends enchantment to the view.
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If you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.
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Between believing a thing and thinking you KNOW is only a small step and quickly taken.
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I have no race prejudices, and I think I have no color prejudices or caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. Indeed I know it. I can stand any society. All that I care to know is that a man is a human being-that is enough for me he can't be any worse.
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To eat is human, to digest, divine
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A habit cannot be tossed out the window it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time.
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When one has tasted watermelon he knows what the angels eat.
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There is no other life life itself is only a vision and a dream for nothing exists but space and you. If there was an all-powerful God, he would have made all good, and no bad.
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You are a coward when you even seem to have backed down from a thing you openly set out to do
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There is only one good sex. The female one.
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To create man was a quaint and original idea, but to add the sheep was tautology.
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That is a simple rule, and easy to remember. When I, a thoughtful and unblessed Presbyterian, examine the Koran, I know that beyond any question every Mohammedan is insane not in all things, but in religious matters.
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I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
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An American has not seen the United States until he has seen Mardi-Gras in New Orleans.
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A better idea than my own is to listen.
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Tell me about a person's family, friends, and community, and I'll tell you what his opinions are.
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More than once I have been humiliated by my resemblance to God the father He is always longing for the love of His children and trying to get it on the cheapest and laziest terms He can invent.
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Etiquette requires us to admire the human race.
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Man is the only animal that is cruel. It kills just for the sake of it.
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