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The only certainties in life are death and taxes.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Certainty
Taxes
Death
Life
Certainties

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On with the dance, let the joy be unconfined.
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Eight grown Americans out of ten dread the coming of the Fourth, with its pandemonium and its perils, and they rejoice when it is gone-if still alive.
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I felt it was my duty to praise all of God's works with fervent enthusiasm. At the same time I killed flies in my house in a spirit of hatred, exasperation and contempt. My praise to God for all his works was dishonest, the act of killing the fly was honest.
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A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.
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Damn the subjunctive. It brings all our writers to shame.
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The common eye sees only the outside of things, and judges by that, but the seeing eye pierces through and reads the heart and the soul, finding there capacities which the outside didn't indicate or promise, and which the other kind of eye couldn't detect.
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Forget and forgive. This is not difficult when properly understood.
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Success is a journey, not a destination. It requires constant effort, vigilance and reevaluation.
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Let us draw the curtain of charity over the rest of this scene
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You may call a jay a bird. Well, so he is, in a measure--because he's got feathers on him, and don't belong to no church, perhapsbut otherwise he is just as much a human as you be. And I'll tell you for why. A jay's gifts and instincts, and feelings, and interests, cover the whole ground. A jay hasn't got any more principle than a Congressman.
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We have to keep our God placated with prayer, and even then we are never sure of him-how much higher and finer is the Indian's God...Our illogical God is all-powerful in name, but impotent in fact the Great Spirit is not all-powerful, but does the very best he can for his injun and does it free of charge
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Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.
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If God is what people say there can be no one in the universe so unhappy as He for He sees unceasingly myriads of His creatures suffering unspeakable miseries--and besides this foresees how they are going to suffer during the remainder of their lives. One might as well say, As unhappy as God.
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When people do not respect us we are sharply offended yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.
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There have been innumerable Temporary Seekers after the Truth-have you ever heard of a permanent one?
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Astonishing things can be done with the human memory if you will devote it faithfully to one particular line of business.
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the more I know about people, the better I like my dogs.
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To get the right word in the right place is a rare achievement.
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If you take epitaphs seriously, we ought to bury the living and resurrect the dead.
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There is a sumptuous variety about the New England weather... In the spring I have counted one hundred and twenty-six different kinds of weather inside of four and twenty hours.
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