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The only certainties in life are death and taxes.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Life
Certainties
Certainty
Taxes
Death
More quotes by Mark Twain
The happy phrasing of a compliment is one of the rarest of human gifts, and the happy delivery of it another.
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I've dealt with many crises in my life, but few will ever happen.
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Benefit of clergy: Half-rate on the railroad.
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A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words in a book or newspaper the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.
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A sense of humor is the one thing no one will admit to not having.
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It is so unsatisfactory to read a noble passage and have no one you love at hand to share the happiness with you. And it is unsatisfactory to read to one's self anyhow - for the uttered voice so heightens the expression.
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I have done more for San Francisco than any of its old residents. Since I left there it has increased in population fully 300,000. I could have done more - I could have gone earlier - it was suggested.
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There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.
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There ain't no way to find out why a snorer can't hear himself snore.
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It may be called the Master Passion, the hunger for self-approval.
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Every civilization carries the seeds of its own destruction, and the same cycle shows in them all. The Republic is born, flourishes, decays into plutocracy, and is captured by the shoemaker whom the mercenaries and millionaires make into a king. The people invent their oppressors, and the oppressors serve the function for which they are invented.
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I can understand German as well as the maniac that invented it, but I talk it best through an interpreter.
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Oh Death where is thy sting! It has none. But life has.
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The law is a system that protects everybody who can afford to hire a good lawyer.
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My mind changes often ... People who have no mind can easily be steadfast and firm, but when a man is loaded down to the guards with it, as I am, every heavy sea of foreboding or inclination, maybe of indolence, shifts the cargo.
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Old habits cannot be thrown out the upstairs window. They have to be coaxed downstairs one step at a time.
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Some things you can't find out but you will never know you can't by guessing and supposing: no, you have to be patient and go on experimenting until you find out that you can't find out.
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Indecency, vulgarity, obscenity - these are strictly confined to man he invented them. Among the higher animals there is no trace of them. They hide nothing. They are not ashamed.
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Do not complain about growing old. It is a privilege denied to many.
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