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When I was 17, my father was so stupid, I didn't want to be seen with him in public. When I was 24, I was amazed at how much the old man had learned in just 7 years.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Didn
Much
Years
Amazed
Men
Stupid
Learned
Seen
Public
Father

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Eight grown Americans out of ten dread the coming of the Fourth, with its pandemonium and its perils, and they rejoice when it is gone-if still alive.
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Love is madness, if thwarted it develops fast.
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it is not wise to keep the fire going under a slander unless you can get some large advantage out of keeping it alive. Few slanders can stand the wear of silence.
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The time to begin writing an article is when you have finished it to your satisfaction. By that time you begin to clearly and logically perceive what it is you really want to say.
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There warn't anybody at the church, except maybe a hog or two, for there warn't any lock on the door, and hogs likes a puncheon floor in summer-time because it's cool. If you notice, most folks don't go to church only when they've got to but a hog is different.
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It's so damned humiliating.
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Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.
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It's spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want—oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!
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The community is eminently Portuguese - that is to say, it is slow, poor, shiftless, sleepy, and lazy.
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The highest pleasure to be got out of freedom, and having nothing to do, is labor.
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The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.
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Optimist: Person who travels on nothing from nowhere to happiness.
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The new political gospel: public office is private graft.
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He [George Washington Cable] has taught me to abhor and detest the Sabbath day and hunt up new and troublesome ways to dishonor it.
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Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.
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We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-
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Switzerland is simply a large, lumpy, solid rock with a thin skin of grass stretched over it.
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The old Irish when immersing a babe at baptism left out the right arm so that it would remain pagan for good fighting
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Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
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The lightning there is peculiar it is so convincing, that when it strikes a thing it doesn't leave enough of that thing behind for you to tell whether-Well, you'd think it was something valuable, and a Congressman had been there.
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