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When I was 17, my father was so stupid, I didn't want to be seen with him in public. When I was 24, I was amazed at how much the old man had learned in just 7 years.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Father
Didn
Much
Amazed
Years
Stupid
Men
Learned
Seen
Public

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What a curious kind of fool a girl is. Never been licked in school. What's a licking?
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A soiled baby with a neglected nose cannot be conscientiously regarded as a thing of beauty.
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No child should be permitted to grow up without exercise for imagination. It enriches life for him. It makes things wonderful and beautiful.
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We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it and stop there lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove lid again and that is well but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.
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We recognize that there are no trivial occurrences in life if we get the right focus on them.
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Between us, we cover all knowledge he knows all that can be known and I know the rest.
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Don't go to sleep, so many people die there.
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For we were little Christian children and early learned the value of forbidden fruit.
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Life should begin with age and its privileges and accumulations, and end with youth and its capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages.
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What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.
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A banker is somebody who lends you an umbrella & takes it away as soon as it starts raining.
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When I take up one of Jane Austen's books ... I feel like a barkeep entering the kingdom of heaven. I know what his sensation would be and his private comments. He would not find the place to his taste, and he would probably say so.
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When a man arrives at great prosperity God did it: when he falls into disaster he did it himself.
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We called him Barney for short. We couldn't use his real name, there wasn't time.
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What do we call love, hate, charity, revenge, humanity, forgiveness? Different results of the master impulse, the necessity of securing one's self-approval.
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Shut the door not that it lets in the cold but that it lets out the coziness.
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I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
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The community is eminently Portuguese - that is to say, it is slow, poor, shiftless, sleepy, and lazy.
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