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Experience teaches us only one thing at a time - and hardly that, in my case.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Experience
Thing
Time
Teaches
Hardly
Case
Cases
Teach

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My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
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The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad.
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France has usually been governed by prostitutes
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Ethical man: A Christian holding four aces.
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In the South the war is what A.D. is elsewhere they date from it.
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I cannot call to mind a single instance where I have ever been irreverent, except toward the things which were sacred to other people.
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Synergy - the bonus that is achieved when things work together harmoniously.
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Hero: Person in a book who does things which he can't and girl marries him for it.
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It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. Overnight success is a fallacy. It is preceded by a great deal of preparation. Ask any successful person how they came to this point in their lives, and they will have a story to tell.
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Medicine has made all its progress during the past fifty years. ... How many operations that are now in use were known fifty years ago?-they were not operations, they were executions.
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The only certainties in life are death and taxes.
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Manifestly, dying is nothing to a really great and brave man.
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You can't pray a lie -- I found that out.
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Consider the average intelligence of the common man, then realize 50% are even stupider.
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Kings cannot ennoble thee, thou good, great soul, for One who is higher than kings hath done that for thee but a king can confirm thy nobility to men.
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There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
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If smoking cigars is not permitted in heaven, I won''t go.
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A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.
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Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR per G.G., CHIEF OF ORDNANCE
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God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.
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