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When I take up one of Jane Austen's books ... I feel like a barkeep entering the kingdom of heaven. I know what his sensation would be and his private comments. He would not find the place to his taste, and he would probably say so.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Would
Books
Entering
Like
Heaven
Sensations
Place
Comment
Find
Kingdom
Book
Kingdoms
Austen
Take
Private
Comments
Feel
Taste
Sensation
Feels
Probably
Jane
More quotes by Mark Twain
Man is the only animal that is cruel. It kills just for the sake of it.
Mark Twain
I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.
Mark Twain
God was left out of the Constitution, but was furnished a front seat in this nations currency. (In God we Trust) is a lie, this nations trust has always been with the dollar.
Mark Twain
Truth is more of a stranger than fiction. When in doubt, tell the truth. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are economical in its use.
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If there is one thing that will make a man peculiarly and insufferable self-conceited, it is to have his stomach behave itself, the first day at sea, when nearly all his comrades are seasick.
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Sum all the gifts that man is endowed with, and we give our greatest share of admiration to his energy. And today, if I were a heathen, I would rear a statue to Energy and fall down and worship it!
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A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle.
Mark Twain
God puts something good and loveable in every man His hands create.
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The modern patriotism, the true patriotism, the only rational patriotism is loyalty to the Nation all the time, loyalty to the Government when it deserves it.
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The North thinks it knows how to make corn bread, but this is a gross superstition. Perhaps no bread in the world is quite as good as Southern corn bread, and perhaps no bread in the world is quite as bad as the Northern imitation of it.
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No child should be permitted to grow up without exercise for imagination. It enriches life for him. It makes things wonderful and beautiful.
Mark Twain
My advice to girls: first, don't smoke - to excess second, don't drink - to excess third, don't marry - to excess.
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All saints can do miracles, but few of them can keep a hotel.
Mark Twain
I felt it was my duty to praise all of God's works with fervent enthusiasm. At the same time I killed flies in my house in a spirit of hatred, exasperation and contempt. My praise to God for all his works was dishonest, the act of killing the fly was honest.
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Nature knows no indecencies man invents them.
Mark Twain
Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.
Mark Twain
There ain't anything that is so interesting to look at as a place that a book has talked about.
Mark Twain
In early times some sufferer had to sit up with a toothache, and he put in the time inventing the German language.
Mark Twain
The piano may do for love-sick girls who lace themselves to skeletons, and lunch on chalk, pickles and slate pencils, but give me the banjo.
Mark Twain
You know that kind of quiver that trembles around through you when you are seeing something so strange and enchanting and wonderful that it is just a fearful joy to be alive and look at it and you know how you gaze, and your lips turn dry and your breath comes short, but you wouldn't be anywhere but there, not for the world.
Mark Twain