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When I take up one of Jane Austen's books ... I feel like a barkeep entering the kingdom of heaven. I know what his sensation would be and his private comments. He would not find the place to his taste, and he would probably say so.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
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Opinion Journalist
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Science Fiction Writer
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Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
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More quotes by Mark Twain
I can live for two months on a good compliment.
Mark Twain
A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.
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We like to read about rich people in the newspapers the papers know it, and they do their best to keep this appetite liberally fed.
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No real estate is permanently valuable but the grave.
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I never felt so fervently thankful, so soothed, so tranquil, so filled with the blessed peace, as I did yesterday when I learned that Michael Angelo was dead.
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The very marks on the bottom of a piece of rare crockery are able to throw me into a gibbering ecstasy.
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If the man doesn't believe as we do, we say he is a crank, and that settles it. I mean, it does nowadays, because now we can't burn him.
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A wise man does not waste so good a commodity as lying for naught.
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When someone dies, it is like when your house burns down it isn't for years that you realize the full extent of your loss.
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We grant God the possession of all the qualities of mind except the one that keeps the others healthy that watches over their dignity that focuses their vision true--humor.
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Anyone who can only think of one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination.
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Humorists of the 'mere' sort cannot survive. Humor is only a fragrance, a decoration.
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Public Servant: Persons chosen by the people to distribute the graft.
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The insincerity of man-all men are liars, partial or hiders of facts, half tellers of truths, shirks, moral sneaks. When a merely honest man appears he is a comet-his fame is eternal-needs no genius, no talent-mere honesty
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Man can seldom - very, very, seldom - fight a winning fight against his training the odds are too heavy.
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For England must not fall: it would mean an inundation of Russian & German political degradations which would envelop the globe & steep it in a sort of Middle-Age night & slaverly which would last till Christ comes again - which I hope he will not do he made trouble enough before.
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A mine is a hole in the ground with a liar on top.
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Nothing so focuses the mind as the prospect of being hanged.
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My sister...was an interested and zealous invalid during sixty-five years, tried all the new diseases as fast as they came out, and always enjoyed the newest one more than any that went before my brother had accumulated forty-two brands of Christianity before he was called away.
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There are some few people I respect and admire, but I don't think much of the species.
Mark Twain
