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When I take up one of Jane Austen's books ... I feel like a barkeep entering the kingdom of heaven. I know what his sensation would be and his private comments. He would not find the place to his taste, and he would probably say so.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Feel
Taste
Sensation
Feels
Probably
Jane
Would
Books
Entering
Like
Heaven
Sensations
Place
Comment
Find
Kingdom
Book
Kingdoms
Austen
Take
Private
Comments

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Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of.
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That is just the way with some people. They get down on a thing when they don’t know nothing about it.
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I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
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Always tell the truth then you don't have to remember anything
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Never miss an opportunity to shut up.
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What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.
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Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
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In early times some sufferer had to sit up with a toothache, and he put in the time inventing the German language.
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I would not read the proof of one of my books for any fair & reasonable sum whatever, if I could get out of it. The proof-reading on the P & Pauper cost me the last rags of my religion.
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Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse.
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I felt so lonesome I most wished I was dead. The stars were shining, and the leaves rustled in the woods ever so mournful and I heard an owl, away off, who-whooing about somebody that was dead, and a whippowill and a dog crying about somebody that was going to die.
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What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.
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The Mississippi River will always have its own way no engineering skill can persuade it to do otherwise.
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No child should be permitted to grow up without exercise for imagination. It enriches life for him. It makes things wonderful and beautiful.
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It is not worth while to try to keep history from repeating itself, for man's character will always make the preventing of the repetitions impossible.
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When your opinions start to coincide with those of the majority, it is time to reconsider your opinions.
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I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.
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He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.
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Ethical man: A Christian holding four aces.
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Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped, but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment.
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