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Public Servant: Persons chosen by the people to distribute the graft.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Persons
People
Graft
Distribute
Servant
Chosen
Public

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There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought -a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!
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Is not this insanity plea becoming rather common? Is it not so common that the reader confidently expects to see it offered in every criminal case that comes before the courts?... Really, what we want now, is not laws against crime, but a law against insanity.
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I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55.
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Often a quite assified remark becomes sanctified by use and petrified by custom it is then a permanency, its term of activity a geologic period.
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We Americans... bear the ark of liberties of the world.
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You can't break a bad habit by throwing it out the window. You've got to walk it slowly down the stairs.
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I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
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I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force.
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Congress: America's only true criminal class.
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Troubles are only mental it is the mind that manufactures them, and the mind can gorge them, banish them, abolish them.
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There is no other life life itself is only a vision and a dream for nothing exists but space and you. If there was an all-powerful God, he would have made all good, and no bad.
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The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopt.
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Heaven is by favor if it were by merit your dog would go in and you would stay out. Of all the creatures ever made (man) is the most detestable. Of the entire brood, he is the only one... that possesses malice. He is the only creature that inflicts pain for sport, knowing it to be pain.
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Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.
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Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?
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Anyone who can only think of one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination.
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People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either being made.
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A man who keeps company with glaciers comes to feel tolerably insignificiant by and by. The Alps and the glaciers together are able to take every bit of conceit out of a man and reduce his self-importance to zero if he will only remain within the influence of their sublime presence long enough to give it a fair and reasonable chance to do its work.
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A soiled baby with a neglected nose cannot be conscientiously regarded as a thing of beauty.
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Tis Better to Sit there and LOOK the fool, than to open your mouth and prove it.
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