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I'm the only person who has ever found the right way to build an autobiography.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Persons
Person
Ever
Right
Way
Autobiography
Build
Found

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I do not like an injurious lie, except when it injures somebody else.
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I have too much respect for the truth to drag it out on every trifling occasion.
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The calamity that comes is never the one we had prepared ourselves for.
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Every citizen of the republic ought to consider himself an unofficial policeman, and keep unsalaried watch and ward over the laws and their execution.
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If you want to change the future, you must change what you're doing in the present.
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Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.
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The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
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I have thought many times since that if poets when they get discouraged would blow their brains out, they could write very much better when they got well.
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Additional problems are the offspring of poor solutions.
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I heard a Californian student in Heidelberg say, in one of his calmest moods, that he would rather decline two drinks than one German adjective.
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A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to you than the ninety-and -nine which you had to work for, and money won at faro or in stock snuggles into your heart in the same way.
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A man may have no bad habits and have worse
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Sometimes you gwyne to git hurt, en sometimes you gwyne to git sick but every time you's gwyne to git well agin.
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God cures and the doctor sends the bill.
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I have a religion-but you will call it blasphemy. It is that there is a God for the rich man but none for the poor.....Perhaps your religion will sustain you,will feed you-I place no dependence in mine. Our religions are alike, though, in one respect-neither can make a man happy when he is out of luck.
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Never tell a lie-except for practice.
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This autobiography of mine is a mirror, and I am looking at myself in it all the time. Incidentally I notice the people that pass along at my back - I get glimpses of them in the mirror - and whenever they say or do anything that can help advertise me and flatter me and raise me in my own estimation, I set these things down in my autobiography.
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If horses knew their strength we should not ride anymore.
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It must be well-nigh a maximum of sense to behave so that one escapes being hanged.
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Half of the results of a good intentions are evil half the results of an evil intention are good.
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