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You don't know about me, without you have read a book by the name of 'The Adventures of Tom Sawyer,' but that ain't no matter. That book was made by a Mr. Mark Twain, and he told the truth, mainly.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Names
Twain
Read
Adventures
Truth
Toms
Book
Mainly
Without
Adventure
Matter
Mark
Made
Told
Huckleberry
Name
Sawyer

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Humorists of the 'mere' sort cannot survive. Humor is only a fragrance, a decoration.
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I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.
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We recognize that there are no trivial occurrences in life if we get the right focus on them.
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One holds a bottle of red wine by the neck, a woman by the waist, and a bottle of champagne by the derriere.
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When grown-up persons indulge in practical jokes, the fact gauges them. They have lived narrow, obscure, and ignorant lives, and at full manhood they still retain and cherish a job lot of left-over standards and ideals that would have been discarded with their boyhood if they had then moved out into the world and a broader life.
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A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.
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Data is like garbage. You'd better know what you are going to do with it before you collect it.
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Dates are hard to remember because they consist of figures figures are monotonously unstriking in appearance, and they don't take hold, they form no pictures, and so they give the eye no chance to help. Pictures are the thing. Pictures can make dates stick.
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By and by when each nation has 20,000 battleships and 5,000,000 soldiers we shall all be safe and the wisdom of statesmanship will stand confirmed.
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More than two hundred death penalties are gone from the law books, but the [biblical] texts that authorised them remain.
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If you have nothing to say, say nothing.
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Duties are not performed for duty's sake, but because their neglect would make the man uncomfortable. A man performs but one duty - the duty of contenting his spirit, the duty of making himself agreeable to himself.
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Don't you know that the very thing a man dreads is the thing that always happens?
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Do right and you will be conspicuous.
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The kingly office is entitled to no respect. It was originally procured by the highwayman's methods. It remains a perpetuated crime, can never be anything but the symbol of a crime. It is no more entitled to respect than is the flag of a pirate.
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Let us be grateful to Adam: he cut us out of the blessing of idleness and won for us the curse of labor.
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If I can capture truth in its simplest form, beauty will follow like a sledgehammer.
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The joy of killing! the joy of seeing killing done - these are traits of the human race at large.
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A lie can make it half way around the world before the truth has time to put its boots on.
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If all men were rich, all men would be poor.
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