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Human beings are the only creatures who blush - or who need to.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Creatures
Beings
Human
Humans
Need
Needs
Blush

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Whose property is my body? Probably mine. I so regard it. If I experiment with it, who must be answerable? I, not the State. If I choose injudiciously, does the state die? Oh, no.
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Do right and you will be conspicuous.
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I persuaded him to throw the dirk away and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself.
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Fortune knocks at every man's door once in a life, but in a good many cases the man is in a neighboring saloon and does not hear her.
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There is no such thing as the Queen's English. The property has gone into the hands of a joint stock company and we own the bulk of the shares!
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In the laboratory there are no fustian ranks, no brummagem aristocracies the domain of Science is a republic, and all its citizens are brothers and equals, its princes of Monaco and its stonemasons of Cromarty meeting, barren of man-made gauds and meretricious decorations, upon the one majestic level!
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The face of the water, in time, became a wonderful book- a book that was a dead language to the uneducated passenger, but which told its mind to me without reserve, delivering its most cherished secrets as clearly as if it uttered them with a voice. And it was not a book to be read once and thrown aside, for it had a new story to tell every day.
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It is hard enough luck being a monarch, without being a target also.
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The law of work seems unfair, but nothing can change it the more enjoyment you get out of your work, the more money you will make.
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Obscurity and a competence—that is the life that is best worth living.
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Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.
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Nature knows no indecencies man invents them.
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Wisdom teaches us that none but birds should go out early, and that not even birds should do it unless they are out of worms.
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The lightning there is peculiar it is so convincing, that when it strikes a thing it doesn't leave enough of that thing behind for you to tell whether-Well, you'd think it was something valuable, and a Congressman had been there.
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Never waste a lie you never know when you may need it.
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Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
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You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.
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The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.
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Guides cannot master the subtleties of the American joke.
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It is easier for a cannibal to enter the Kingdom of Heaven through the eye of a rich man's needle that it is for any other foreigner to read the terrible German script.
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