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It must be well-nigh a maximum of sense to behave so that one escapes being hanged.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Behave
Sense
Wells
Well
Must
Nigh
Hanged
Escapes
Maximum

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The difference between fiction and nonfiction is that fiction must be absolutely believable.
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Do you reckon Tom Sawyer was satisfied after all them adventures?
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A railroad is like a lie you have to keep building it to make it stand.
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If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.
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There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.
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I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.
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Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
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That optimist of yours is always ready to turn hell's backyard into a play-ground.
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Whiskey is carried into committee rooms in demijohns and carried out in demagogues.
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I said there was but one solitary thing about the past worth remembering, and that was the fact that it is past-can't be restored.
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That cat will write her autograph all over your leg if you let her.
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Difference between savage and civilized man: one is painted, the other gilded.
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