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The human being places sexual intercourse above all other joys, but leaves it out of his heaven.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Sexual
Leaves
Places
Joy
Heaven
Human
Humans
Intercourse
Joys

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We despise all reverences and all objects of reverence which are outside the pale of our list of sacred things. And yet, with strange inconsistency, we are shocked when other people despise and defile the things which are holy to us.
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There is no such thing as a new idea. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope.
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My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
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The difference between those that succeed and those that fail is, those that succeeded tried.
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Out of the unconscious lips of babes and sucklings are we satirized.
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If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.
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when you recollect something which belonged in an earlier chapter, do not go back, but jam it in where you are . Discursiveness does not hurt an autobiography in the least.
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It is not in the least likely that any life has ever been lived which was not a failure in the secret judgment of the person who lived it.
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Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July and as a rule they don't know what happened on either occasion.
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When whole races and peoples conspire to propagate gigantic mute lies in the interest of tyrannies and shams, why should we care anything about the trifling lies told by individuals?
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God's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage
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Circumstances make man, not man circumstances.
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I have done more for San Francisco than any of its old residents. Since I left there it has increased in population fully 300,000. I could have done more - I could have gone earlier - it was suggested.
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When grown-up persons indulge in practical jokes, the fact gauges them. They have lived narrow, obscure, and ignorant lives, and at full manhood they still retain and cherish a job lot of left-over standards and ideals that would have been discarded with their boyhood if they had then moved out into the world and a broader life.
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In the laboratory there are no fustian ranks, no brummagem aristocracies the domain of Science is a republic, and all its citizens are brothers and equals, its princes of Monaco and its stonemasons of Cromarty meeting, barren of man-made gauds and meretricious decorations, upon the one majestic level!
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When some men discharge an obligation, you can hear the report for miles around.
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One thing at a time, is my motto - and just play that thing for all it is worth, even if it's only tto pair and a jack.
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There is nothing more awe-inspiring than a miracle except the credulity that can take it at par.
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The dreamer's valuation of a thing lost - not another man's - is the only standard to measure it by, and his grief for it makes it large and great and fine, and is worthy of our reverence in all cases.
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....try the mustard, - a man can't know what turnips are in perfection without mustard.
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