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The human being places sexual intercourse above all other joys, but leaves it out of his heaven.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Human
Humans
Intercourse
Joys
Sexual
Leaves
Places
Joy
Heaven

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Not a single right is indestructible: a new might can at any time abolish it, hence, man possesses not a single permanent right. God is Might (and He is shifty, malicious, and uncertain).
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The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
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The reason why truth is so much stranger than fiction is that there is no requirement for it to be consistent.
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Difference between savage and civilized man: one is painted, the other gilded.
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Some of us cannot be optimists, but all of us can be bigamists
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I have spent most of my time worrying about things that have never happened. Worrying is not an action! In fact, it is action that alleviates concern and dissipates worries. Take more actions when you feel that worry is creeping in to steal your time. It need not be a huge action, any action in the direction you want to go will do.
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When a man stands on the verge of seventy-two you know perfectly well that he never reached that place without knowing what this life is - heartbreaking bereavement.
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The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
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There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.
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Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse.
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Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
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It makes one hope and believe that a day will come when, in the eye of the law, literary property will be as sacred as whiskey, or any other of the necessaries of life. It grieves me to think how far more profound and reverent a respect the law would have for literature if a body could only get drunk on it.
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If you're looking for friends when you need them...it's too late.
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Switzerland is simply a large, lumpy, solid rock with a thin skin of grass stretched over it.
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Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.
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Is the human race a joke? Was it devised and patched together in a dull time when there was nothing important to do?
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Dates are hard to remember because they consist of figures figures are monotonously unstriking in appearance, and they don't take hold, they form no pictures, and so they give the eye no chance to help. Pictures are the thing. Pictures can make dates stick.
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A banker is somebody who lends you an umbrella & takes it away as soon as it starts raining.
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Let your secret sympathies and your compassion be always with the under dog in the fight -- this is magnanimity but bet on the other one -- this is business.
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Pilgrim's Progress , about a man that left his family, it didn't say why. I read considerable in it now and then. The statements was interesting, but tough.
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