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Politicians, old buildings, and prostitutes become respectable with age.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Buildings
Politicians
Politician
Building
Age
Become
Prostitutes
Respectable

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The very marks on the bottom of a piece of rare crockery are able to throw me into a gibbering ecstasy.
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The less there is to justify a traditional custom, the harder it is to get rid of it
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Damn these human beings if I had invented them I would go hide my head in a bag.
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Music is a good thing and after all that soul-butter and hogwash, I never see it freshen up things so, and sound so honest and bully.
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Civilization largely consists in hiding human nature. When the barbarian learns to hide it we account him enlightened.
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My mind changes often ... People who have no mind can easily be steadfast and firm, but when a man is loaded down to the guards with it, as I am, every heavy sea of foreboding or inclination, maybe of indolence, shifts the cargo.
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The only people who should use the possessive 'we' are kings, newspaper editors, and persons with tapeworms.
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As for the dinosaur - But Noah's conscience was easy it was not named in his cargo list and he and the boys were not aware that there was such a creature. He said he could not blame himself for not knowing about the dinosaur, because it was an American animal and America had not then been discovered.
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Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
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Always obey your parents - when they are present.
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Italy is the home of art and swindling home of religion and moral rottenness
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Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.
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I am the entire human race compacted together. I have found that there is no ingredient of the race which I do not possess in either a small way or a large way.
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If you tell the truth you do not need a good memory!
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I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.
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I am only human, although I regret it.
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Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would often apply with justice and force: There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
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The pulpit and the optimist are always talking about the human race's steady march toward ultimate perfection. As usual, they leave out the statistics. It is the pulpit's way - the optimist's way.
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It's spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want—oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!
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