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I was educated once - it took me years to get over it.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Educated
Took
Years
More quotes by Mark Twain
The Germans are exceedingly fond of Rhine wines they are put up in tall, slender bottles, and are considered a pleasant beverage. One tells them from vinegar by the label.
Mark Twain
Happiness ain't a thing in itself -it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. And so, as soon as the novelty is over and the force of the contrast dulled, it ain't happiness any longer, and you have to get something fresh.
Mark Twain
If I had more time, I would have written less.
Mark Twain
A man can be a Christian or a patriot, but he can't legally be a Christian and a patriot - except in the usual way: one of the two with the mouth, the other with the heart.
Mark Twain
We called him Barney for short. We couldn't use his real name, there wasn't time.
Mark Twain
I admire him, I frankly confess it and when his time is come I shall buy a piece of the rope for a keepsake.
Mark Twain
Every time I read a Jane Austen novel, I feel like a bartender at the gates of heaven.
Mark Twain
History doesn't repeat itself it rhymes.
Mark Twain
Fortune knocks at every man's door once in a life, but in a good many cases the man is in a neighboring saloon and does not hear her.
Mark Twain
Even popularity can be overdone. In Rome, along at first, you are full of regrets that Michelangelo died but by and by, you only regret that you didn't see him do it.
Mark Twain
The choir always tittered and whispered all through the service. There was once a church choir that was not ill-bred, but I have forgotten where it was.
Mark Twain
Let your secret sympathies and your compassion be always with the under dog in the fight -- this is magnanimity but bet on the other one -- this is business.
Mark Twain
I persuaded him to throw the dirk away and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself.
Mark Twain
A banquet is probably the most fatiguing thing in the world except ditchdigging. It is the insanest of all recreations. The inventor of it overlooked no detail that could furnish weariness, distress, harassment, and acute and long-sustained misery of mind and body.
Mark Twain
What is the most rigorous law of our being? Growth.
Mark Twain
He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
Mark Twain
Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July and as a rule they don't know what happened on either occasion.
Mark Twain
A dozen direct censures are easier to bear than one morganatic compliment.
Mark Twain
Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.
Mark Twain
We all like to see people sea-sick when we are not ourselves.
Mark Twain