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I was educated once - it took me years to get over it.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Educated
Took
Years

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If you don't like the weather in New England now, just wait a few minutes.
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That is a simple rule, and easy to remember. When I, a thoughtful and unblessed Presbyterian, examine the Koran, I know that beyond any question every Mohammedan is insane not in all things, but in religious matters.
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Who knows, he may grow up to be President someday, unless they hang him first! Aunt Polly about Tom Sawyer
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There is not a single human characteristic that can be safely labeled as American.
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They do say that when a man starts down hill everybody is ready to help him with a kick, and I suppose it is so.
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If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.
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Peace by persuasion has a pleasant sound, but I think we should not be able to work it. We should have to tame the human race first, and history seems to show that that cannot be done.
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If there wasn't anything to find out, it would be dull. Even trying to find out and not finding out is just as interesting as trying to find out and finding out and I don't know but more so.
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When the world is made to be idiot-proof, the world will become overpopulated with idiots.
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The newspaper that obstructs the law on a trivial pretext, for money's sake, is a dangerous enemy to the public weal. That awful power, the public opinion of a nation, is created in America by a horde of ignorant, self-complacent simpletons who failed at ditching and shoemaking and fetched up in journalism on their way to the poorhouse.
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We called him Barney for short. We couldn't use his real name, there wasn't time.
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Nature knows no indecencies man invents them.
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The law is a system that protects everybody who can afford to hire a good lawyer.
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Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone by.
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There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless.
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When one reads Bibles, one is less surprised at what the Deity knows than at what He doesn't know.
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Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.
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To be great, truly great, you have to be the kind of person who makes the others around you great.
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I begin to see that a man's got to be in his own heaven to be happy.
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The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.
Mark Twain