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Each nation knowing it has the only true religion and the only sane system of government, each despising all the others, each an ass and not suspecting it.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Knowing
Nations
Religion
Suspecting
Others
Despising
True
Sane
Government
Ass
Nation
System

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I heard a Californian student in Heidelberg say, in one of his calmest moods, that he would rather decline two drinks than one German adjective.
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God puts something good and loveable in every man His hands create.
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Manifestly, dying is nothing to a really great and brave man.
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We are called the nation of inventors. And we are. We could still claim that title and wear its loftiest honors if we had stopped with the first thing we ever invented, which was human liberty.
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My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
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Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. To live a fulfilled life, we need to keep creating the what is next, of our lives. Without dreams and goals there is no living, only merely existing, and that is not why we are here.
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Never be haughty to the humble, never be humble to the haughty.
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There are 869 different forms of lying, but only one of them has been squarely forbidden. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.
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It is best to read the weather forecast before praying for rain.
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The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.
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Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
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Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company!
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Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
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Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July and as a rule they don't know what happened on either occasion.
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The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow.
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I'm pushing 60 years of age...and that's enough exercise for me.
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Laughter is the greatest weapon we have and we, as humans, use it the least.
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A banquet is probably the most fatiguing thing in the world except ditch digging.
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There's a good spot tucked away somewhere in everybody. You'll be a long time finding it, sometimes.
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What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.
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