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Each nation knowing it has the only true religion and the only sane system of government, each despising all the others, each an ass and not suspecting it.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
True
Sane
Government
Ass
Nation
System
Knowing
Nations
Religion
Suspecting
Others
Despising
More quotes by Mark Twain
Don't you know that the very thing a man dreads is the thing that always happens?
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The Bible is a wonderful book you can prove anything you want with it.
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You don't know about me, without you have read a book by the name of 'The Adventures of Tom Sawyer,' but that ain't no matter. That book was made by a Mr. Mark Twain, and he told the truth, mainly.
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We are all beggars, each in his own way.
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I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.
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The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow.
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I am dead to adverbs they cannot excite me. To misplace an adverb is a thing which I am able to do with frozen indifference it can never give me a pang. There are subtleties which I cannot master at all - they confuse me, they mean absolutely nothing to me - and this adverb plague is one of them.
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I don't know anything about this man. Anyhow, I only know two things about him. One is, he has never been in jail, and the other is, I don't know why.
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They say that you can't live by bread alone, but I can live on compliments.
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We all do no end of feeling, and we mistake it for thinking.
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A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo and doesn't.
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Old habits cannot be thrown out the upstairs window. They have to be coaxed downstairs one step at a time.
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Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever.
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The rain ...falls upon the just and the unjust alike a thing which would not happen if I were superintending the rain's affairs. No, I would rain softly and sweetly on the just, but if I caught a sample of the unjust outdoors, I would drown him.
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Do your duty today and repent tomorrow.
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If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.
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When in doubt tell the truth.
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Optimist: day-dreamer in his small clothes.
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When you feel like tellin a feller to go to the devil - tell him to go to Chicago - it'll anser every purpose, and is perhaps, a leetle more expensive.
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I knew a man who grabbed a cat by the tail and learned forty percent more about cats than the man who didn't.
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