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But we love the Old Travelers. We love to hear them prate and drivel and lie.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Prate
Drivel
Travelers
Traveler
Hear
Lying
Love

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I was a-trembling, because I'd got to decide, forever, betwixt two things, and I knowed it.
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Whenever the human race assembles to a number exceeding four, it cannot stand free speech.
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Don't you know that the very thing a man dreads is the thing that always happens?
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Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.
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Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink - under any circumstances.
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But in this country we have one great privilege which they don't have in other countries. When a thing gets to be absolutely unbearable the people can rise up and throw it off. That's the finest asset we've got - the ballot box.
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Duties are not performed for duty's sake, but because their neglect would make the man uncomfortable. A man performs but one duty - the duty of contenting his spirit, the duty of making himself agreeable to himself.
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Let us draw the curtain of charity over the rest of this scene
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Obscurity and a competence—that is the life that is best worth living.
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Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed down-stairs one step at a time.
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Except a person be part coward, it is not a compliment to say he is brave.
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I am only human, although I regret it.
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How little a thing can make us happy when we feel that we have earned it.
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The pulpit and the optimist are always talking about the human race's steady march toward ultimate perfection. As usual, they leave out the statistics. It is the pulpit's way - the optimist's way.
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[On Dutch flat poetry]: It is too smooth and blubbery it reads like butter-milk gurgling from a jug.
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When grown-up persons indulge in practical jokes, the fact gauges them. They have lived narrow, obscure, and ignorant lives, and at full manhood they still retain and cherish a job lot of left-over standards and ideals that would have been discarded with their boyhood if they had then moved out into the world and a broader life.
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The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow.
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Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
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People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either being made.
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The difference between those that succeed and those that fail is, those that succeeded tried.
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