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Those who say truth is stranger than fiction have wasted their time on poorly written fiction.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Wasted
Stranger
Fiction
Written
Truth
Time
Poorly

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When one has tasted watermelon he knows what the angels eat.
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The election makes me think of a story of a man who was dying. He had only two minutes to live, so he sent for a clergyman and asked him, Where is the best place to go to? He was undecided about it. So the minister told him that each place had its advantages--heaven for climate, and hell for society.
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The funniest things are the forbidden.
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History may not repeat, but it often rhymes.
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Never do wrong when people are looking.
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What a world of trouble those who never marry escape! There are many happy matches, it is true, and sometimes my dear, and my love come from the heart but what sensible bachelor, rejoicing in his freedom and years of discretion, will run the tremendous risk?
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It may be called the Master Passion, the hunger for self-approval.
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Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
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The fact is, the king was a good deal more than a king, he was a man and when a man is a man, you can't knock it out of him.
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Except a person be part coward, it is not a compliment to say he is brave.
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Homely truth is unpalatable.
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I speak French with timidity, and not flowingly--except when excited. When using that language I have often noticed that I have hardly ever been mistaken for a Frenchman, except, perhaps, by horses never, I believe, by people.
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Let us consider that we are all insane. It will explain us to each other. It will unriddle many riddles
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I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight.
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Eternal rest sounds comforting in the pulpit well, you try it once, and see how heavy time will hang on your hands.
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it is not wise to keep the fire going under a slander unless you can get some large advantage out of keeping it alive. Few slanders can stand the wear of silence.
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What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.
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Now, isn't imagination a precious thing? It peoples the earth with all manner of wonders.
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The cigar-box which the European calls a 'lift' needs but to be compared with our elevators to be appreciated. The lift stops to reflect between floors. That is all right in a hearse, but not in elevators. The American elevator acts like a man's patent purge-it works.
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