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All human rules are more or less idiotic.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Conventionality
Idiotic
Rules
Less
Human
Humans

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I went to the circus, and loafed around the back side till the watchman went by, and then dived in under the tent. I had my twenty-dollar gold piece and some other money, but I reckoned I better save it.... I ain't opposed to spending money on circuses, when there ain't no other way, but there ain't no use in wasting it on them.
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School gets in the way of my learning.
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I could be an idiot, or I can serve in Congress, but I repeat myself.
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We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it and stop there lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove lid again and that is well but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.
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A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.
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You can't no more teach what you ain't learned than you can come from where you ain't been.
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I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.
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Where a blood relation sobs, an intimate friend should choke up, a distant acquaintance should sigh, a stranger should merely fumble sympathetically with his handkerchief.
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Among other common lies, we have the silent lie - the deception which one conveys by simply keeping still and concealing the truth. Many obstinate truth-mongers indulge in this dissipation, imagining that if they speak no lie, they lie not at all.
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History has tried hard to teach us that we can't have good government under politicians. Now, to go and stick one at the very head of the government couldn't be wise.
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The past does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.
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Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
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One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her.
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Let us guess that whenever we read a sentence & like it, we unconsciously store it away in our model-chamber & it goes, with the myriad of its fellows, to the building, brick by brick, of the eventual edifice which we call our style.
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Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.
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