Quote

Man seems to be a rickety poor sort of thing, any way you take him a kind of British Museum of infirmities and inferiorities. He is always undergoing repairs. A machine that was as unreliable as he is would have no market.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Seems
Museum
Take
Museums
Rickety
Thing
Machine
Repairs
Kind
Machines
Undergoing
Way
British
Infirmities
Always
Market
Infirmity
Would
Sort
Unreliable
Men
Poor
Inferiority

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Authorship is not a trade, it is an inspiration authorship does not keep an office, its habitation is all out under the sky, and everywhere the winds are blowing and the sun is shining and the creatures of God are free.
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None of us can have as many virtues as the fountain-pen, or half its cussedness but we can try.
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As a boy, I once saw a cart of melons that sorely tempted me. I sneaked up to the cart and stole a melon. I went into the alley to devour it, but no sooner had I set my teeth into it, than I paused, a strange feeling coming over me. I came to a quick conclusion. Firmly, I walked up to that cart, replaced the melon - and took a ripe one.
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If I'd seen a playwright ever write an' play at the same time, I'd have given 'em more of a chance at cards. Can I get an 'amen?'
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But in this country we have one great privilege which they don't have in other countries. When a thing gets to be absolutely unbearable the people can rise up and throw it off. That's the finest asset we've got - the ballot box.
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If you will notice, there is seldom a telegram in a paper which fails to show up one or more members & beneficiaries of our Civilization as promenading with his shirt-tail up & the rest of his regalia in the wash.
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What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.
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There are no wild animals until man makes them so.
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Man is without doubt the most interesting fool there is. He concedes that God made the angels immune from pain and death, and that he could have been similarly kind to man, but denies that he was under any moral obligation to do so.
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If there is one thing that will make a man peculiarly and insufferable self-conceited, it is to have his stomach behave itself, the first day at sea, when nearly all his comrades are seasick.
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Whiskey is carried into committee rooms in demijohns and carried out in demagogues.
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In my nostrils still lives the breath of flowers that perished twenty years ago.
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Do something everyday that you don't want to do.
Mark Twain
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If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill came always together, who would escape hanging?
Mark Twain
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We like to read about rich people in the newspapers the papers know it, and they do their best to keep this appetite liberally fed.
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I wasn't worth a cent two years ago, and now I owe two million dollars.
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The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.
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Imagine, if you will, that I am an idiot. Then, imagine that I am also a Congressman. But, alas, I repeat myself.
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Really, what we want now, is not laws against crime, but a law against insanity. That is where the true evil lies.
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I went to the circus, and loafed around the back side till the watchman went by, and then dived in under the tent. I had my twenty-dollar gold piece and some other money, but I reckoned I better save it.... I ain't opposed to spending money on circuses, when there ain't no other way, but there ain't no use in wasting it on them.
Mark Twain