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The first half of my life I went to school, the second half of my life I got an education.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
School
Firsts
First
Life
Second
Went
Education
Half

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Age enlarges and enriches the powers of some musical instruments - notably those of the violin - but it seems to set a piano's teeth on edge.
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The convention missionaries call modesty has no standard, and cannot have one, because it is opposed to nature and reason and is therefore an artificiality and subject to anybody's whim - anybody's diseased caprice.
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the size of a misfortune is not determinable by an outsider’s measurement of it but only by the measurements applied to it by the person specially affected by it.
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If you have to swallow a frog, don't stare at it too long.
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Damn these human beings if I had invented them I would go hide my head in a bag.
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He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
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To me [Edgar Allen Poe's] prose is unreadable—like Jane Austin's [sic]. No there is a difference. I could read his prose on salary, but not Jane's. Jane is entirely impossible. It seems a great pity that they allowed her to die a natural death.
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There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press
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It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever blowing through one's head.
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I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome variety is pleasing.
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Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so.
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All my life I have been honest-comparatively honest. I could never use money I had not made honestly-I could only lend it.
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Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection.
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The only people that a bank will loan money to is the very people who don't need it.
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A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial.
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Thanksgiving Day - Let all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks, now, but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji they do not use turkeys, they use plumbers. It does not become you and me to sneer at Fiji.
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People are much more willing to lend you books than bookcases.
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None of us can have as many virtues as the fountain-pen, or half its cussedness but we can try.
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Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
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When the Lord finished the world, he pronounced it good. That is what I said about my first work, too. But Time, I tell you, Time takes the confidence out of these incautious opinions. It is more than likely that He thinks about the world, now, pretty much as I think about the Innocents Abroad. The fact is, there is a trifle too much water in both.
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