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The first half of my life I went to school, the second half of my life I got an education.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Half
School
Firsts
First
Life
Second
Went
Education

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To string incongruities and absurdities together in a wandering and sometimes purposeless way, and seem innocently unaware that they are absurdities, is the basis of the American art, if my position is correct.
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I have a religion-but you will call it blasphemy. It is that there is a God for the rich man but none for the poor.....Perhaps your religion will sustain you,will feed you-I place no dependence in mine. Our religions are alike, though, in one respect-neither can make a man happy when he is out of luck.
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Love is an irreresisistible desire to be irresistibily desired.
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A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
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The fear of lightning is one of the most distressing infirmities a human being can be afflicted with. It is mostly confined to women, but now and then you find it in a little dog, and sometimes a man.
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To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.
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Sometimes my feelings are so hot that I have to take the pen and put them out on paper to keep them from setting me afire inside then all that ink and labor are wasted because I can't print the results
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I'm pushing 60 years of age...and that's enough exercise for me.
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A soiled baby with a neglected nose cannot be conscientiously regarded as a thing of beauty.
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We called him Barney for short. We couldn't use his real name, there wasn't time.
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The humorous story is told gravely the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it.
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Whiskey is for drinking water is for fighting over.
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I am not given to exaggeration, and when I say a thing I mean it.
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When one's character begins to fall under suspicion and disfavor, how swift, then, is the work of disintegration and destruction.
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The less there is to justify a traditional custom, the harder it is to get rid of it
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There are 869 different forms of lying, but only one of them has been squarely forbidden. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.
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A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.
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The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
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In forgiving, people are not being asked to forget. On the contrary, it is important to remember, so that we should not let such atrocities happen again. Forgiveness does not mean condoning what has been done. It means taking what happened seriously...drawing out the sting in the memory that threatens our entire existence.
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Who knows, he may grow up to be President someday, unless they hang him first! Aunt Polly about Tom Sawyer
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