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Nothing is made in vain, but the fly came near it.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Made
Near
Vain
Came
Nothing

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There is nothing in the world like persuasive speech to fuddle the mental apparatus.
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I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.
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Give a man a reputation as an early riser and he can sleep 'til noon.
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Ignorance, intolerance, egotism, self-assertion, opaque perception, dense and pitiful chuckle headedness - and an almost pathetic unconsciousness of it all, that is what I was at nineteen and twenty.
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You thunder and lightning too much the reader ceases to get under the bed, by and by.
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In early times some sufferer had to sit up with a toothache, and he put in the time inventing the German language.
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He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
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What a world of trouble those who never marry escape! There are many happy matches, it is true, and sometimes my dear, and my love come from the heart but what sensible bachelor, rejoicing in his freedom and years of discretion, will run the tremendous risk?
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Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.
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It is a solemn thought: dead, the noblest man's meat is inferior to pork.
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Self-approval is acquired mainly from the approval of other people.
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The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.
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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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That's the difference between governments and individuals. Governments don't care, individuals do.
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Choosing not to read is like closing an open door to paradise
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When a library expels a book of mine and leaves an unexpurgated Bible lying around where unprotected youth and age can get hold of it, the deep unconscious irony of it delights me and doesn't anger me.
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Once I talked to the inmates of an insane asylum in Hartford. I have talked to idiots a thousand times, but only once to the insane.
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Really, what we want now, is not laws against crime, but a law against insanity. That is where the true evil lies.
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You may have noticed that the less I know about a subject the more confidence I have, and the more new light I throw on it.
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