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If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could to-day.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Higher
Study
Made
Life
Acquiring
Graduated
Ignorance
Honor

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Jim said that bees won't sting idiots, but I didn't believe that, because I tried them lots of times myself and they wouldn't sting me.
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The modern patriotism, the true patriotism, the only rational patriotism is loyalty to the Nation all the time, loyalty to the Government when it deserves it.
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I had longed to be a butterfly, and I was one at last. I attended private parties in sumptuous evening dress, simpered and aired my graces like a born beau, and polkaed and schoisched with a step peculiar to myself - and the kangaroo.
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Humor is man's greatest blessing.
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The highest pleasure to be got out of freedom, and having nothing to do, is labor.
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I said nothing of the sort.
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Don't wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
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It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever blowing through one's head.
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Once I talked to the inmates of an insane asylum in Hartford. I have talked to idiots a thousand times, but only once to the insane.
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The only people who should use the possessive 'we' are kings, newspaper editors, and persons with tapeworms.
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Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped, but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment.
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Tom said to himself that it was not such a hollow world, after all. He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it -- namely, that in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to attain.
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Some of us cannot be optimists, but all of us can be bigamists
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The ordinary chestnut can beget a sickly and reluctant laugh, but it takes a horse chestnut to fetch the gorgeous big horse-laugh.
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The human being places sexual intercourse above all other joys, but leaves it out of his heaven.
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The happy phrasing of a compliment is one of the rarest of human gifts, and the happy delivery of it another.
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You can't break a bad habit by throwing it out the window. You've got to walk it slowly down the stairs.
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Circumstances make man, not man circumstances.
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The nation is divided, half patriots and half traitors, and no man can tell which from which.
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