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Of the 417 commandments, only a single one of the 417 has found ministerial obedience multiply and replenish the earth. To it sinner & saint, scholar & ignoramus, Christian & savage are alike loyal.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Obedience
Multiply
Saint
Savage
Atheism
Savages
Single
Commandments
Christian
Scholar
Found
Alike
Ministerial
Earth
Loyal
Ignoramus
Sinner
Replenish

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Damn the subjunctive. It brings all our writers to shame.
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To get the right word in the right place is a rare achievement.
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It's an epitome of life. The first half of it consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance the last half consists of the chance without the capacity.
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Let us consider that we are all insane. It will explain us to each other. It will unriddle many riddles
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Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company!
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There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless.
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Experience comes from bad judgment.
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Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
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I have achieved my seventy years in the usual way: by sticking strictly to a scheme of life which would kill anybody else... I will offer here, as a sound maxim, this: That we can't reach old age by another man's road.
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I am able to say that while I am not ruggedly well, I am not ill enough to excite an undertaker.
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The first half of my life I went to school, the second half of my life I got an education.
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I ordinarily smoke fifteen cigars during my five hours' labours, and if my interest reaches the enthusiastic point, I smoke more. I smoke with all my might, and allow no intervals.
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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing after all. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations, and resentments flit away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.
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I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.
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Prosperity is the surest breeder of insolence I know.
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Eternal rest sounds comforting in the pulpit well, you try it once, and see how heavy time will hang on your hands.
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High and fine literature is wine, and mine is only water but everybody likes water.
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The dreamer's valuation of a thing lost - not another man's - is the only standard to measure it by, and his grief for it makes it large and great and fine, and is worthy of our reverence in all cases.
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Tea is an affront to lunch and an insult to dinner.
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Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
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