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The less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Noise
Bigger
Higher
Less
Makes
Men
Commands
Salary
Command

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Experience, the only logic sure to convince a diseased imagination and restore it to rugged health.
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Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed down-stairs one step at a time.
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Conformity—the natural instinct to passively yield to that vague something recognized as authority.
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Foreigners cannot enjoy our food, I suppose, any more than we can enjoy theirs. It is not strange for tastes are made, not born. I might glorify my bill of fare until I was tired but after all, the Scotchman would shake his head and say, 'Where's your haggis?' and the Fijan would sigh and say, 'Where's your missionary?'
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If you are with the quality, or at a funeral, or trying to go to sleep when you ain't sleepy - if you are anywheres where it won't do for you to scratch, why you will itch all over in upwards of a thousand places.
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The work that is really a man's own work is play and not work at all.
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It is a shameful thing to insult a child.
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Imagination labors best in distant fields.
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No God and no religion can survive ridicule. No political church, no nobility, no royalty or other fraud, can face ridicule in a fair field, and live.
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It is a solemn thought: dead, the noblest man's meat is inferior to pork.
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Unused talents gives you no advantage over someone who has no talent at all.
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Heaven is the very last place to come to rest and don't you be afraid to bet on that!
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Canadian girls are so pretty it's a relief now and then to see a plain one.
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Every man is in his own person the whole human race without a detail lacking....I knew I should not find in any philosophy a single thought which had not passed through my own head, nor a single thought which had not passed through the heads of millions and millions of men before I was born.
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To be good is noble but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.
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All men are ignorant, just on different subjects.
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The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
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Not until you become a stranger to yourself will you be able to make acquaintance with the Friend.
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The laws of Nature take precedence of all human laws. The purpose of all human laws is one - to defeat the laws of Nature. This is the case among all the nations, both civilized and savage. It is a grotesquerie, but when the human race is not grotesque it is because it is asleep and losing its opportunity.
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