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The less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Men
Commands
Salary
Command
Noise
Bigger
Higher
Less
Makes

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Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
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I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie I can, but I won't.
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Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.
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The fear of lightning is one of the most distressing infirmities a human being can be afflicted with. It is mostly confined to women, but now and then you find it in a little dog, and sometimes a man.
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No one is sane, straight along, year in and year out, and we all know it. Our insanities are of varying sorts, and express themselves in varying forms-fortunately harmless forms as a rule.
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As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake.
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A person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was gitting knowledge that was always going to be useful to him, and warn't ever going to grow dim or doubtful.
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There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.
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Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
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Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
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Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
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Even popularity can be overdone. In Rome, along at first, you are full of regrets that Michelangelo died but by and by, you only regret that you didn't see him do it.
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Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress but I repeat myself.
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If work were so pleasant, the rich would keep it for themselves.
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Always obey your parents - when they are present.
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Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company!
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I went to the circus, and loafed around the back side till the watchman went by, and then dived in under the tent. I had my twenty-dollar gold piece and some other money, but I reckoned I better save it.... I ain't opposed to spending money on circuses, when there ain't no other way, but there ain't no use in wasting it on them.
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Oh Death where is thy sting! It has none. But life has.
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That is a simple rule, and easy to remember. When I, a thoughtful and unblessed Presbyterian, examine the Koran, I know that beyond any question every Mohammedan is insane not in all things, but in religious matters.
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