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The less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Command
Noise
Bigger
Higher
Less
Makes
Men
Commands
Salary

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Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.
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Drop this mean and sordid and selfish devotion to the saving of your shabby little souls, and hunt up something to do that's got some dignity to it! Risk your souls! Risk them in good causes then if you lose them, why should you care? Reform!
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There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.
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There is not a single celebrated Southern name in any of the departments of human industry except those of war, assassination, lynching, murder, the duel, repudiation, & massacre.
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All large political doctrines are rich in difficult problems - problems that are quite above the average citizen's reach. And that is not strange, since they are also above the reach of the ablest minds in the country after all the fuss and all the talk, not one of those doctrines has been conclusively proven to be the right one and the best.
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When someone dies, it is like when your house burns down it isn't for years that you realize the full extent of your loss.
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A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.
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His ignorance covers the world like a blanket, and there's scarcely a hole in it anywhere.
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I would rather have my ignorance than another man's knowledge, because I have so much of it.
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We Americans... bear the ark of liberties of the world.
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The Germans are exceedingly fond of Rhine wines they are put up in tall, slender bottles, and are considered a pleasant beverage. One tells them from vinegar by the label.
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Ignorance is not not knowin' - Ignorance is knowin' what ain't so.
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I was born with Halley's Comet and I expect to die upon its return
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Gratitude is a debt which usually goes on accumulating like blackmail the more you pay, the more is exacted.
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I wrote 'Tom Sawyer' and 'Huck Finn' for adults exclusively, and it always distressed me when I find that boys and girls have been allowed access to them. The mind that becomes soiled in youth can never again be washed clean.
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A man who keeps company with glaciers comes to feel tolerably insignificiant by and by. The Alps and the glaciers together are able to take every bit of conceit out of a man and reduce his self-importance to zero if he will only remain within the influence of their sublime presence long enough to give it a fair and reasonable chance to do its work.
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We have an insanity plea that would have saved Cain.
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I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache and what is more, I never intend to have it.
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English humor is hard to appreciate, though, unless you are trained to it. The English papers, in reporting my speeches, always put 'laughter' in the wrong place.
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A railroad is like a lie you have to keep building it to make it stand.
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