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There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind-the humorous.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Difficult
Stories
Kind
Several
Humorous
Kinds

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Truth is more of a stranger than fiction. When in doubt, tell the truth. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are economical in its use.
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Man seems to be a rickety poor sort of thing, any way you take him a kind of British Museum of infirmities and inferiorities. He is always undergoing repairs. A machine that was as unreliable as he is would have no market.
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The only difference between reality and fiction is that fiction needs to be credible.
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When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Kentucky, because everything there happens 20 years after it happens anywhere else.
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If the bubble reputation can be obtained only at the cannon's mouth, I am willing to go there for it, provided the cannon is empty.
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All saints can do miracles, but few of them can keep a hotel.
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Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.
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You perceive I generalize with intrepidity from single instances. It is the tourist's custom.
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Words are only painted fire, a look is the fire itself. She gave that look, and carried it away to the treasury of heaven, where all things that are divine belong.
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I don't believe any of you have ever read Paradise Lost, and you don't want to. That's something that you just want to take on trust. It's a classic ... something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
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Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.
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Let your joy be unconfined!
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I am admonished in many ways that time is pushing me inexorably along. I am approaching the threshold of age in 1977 I shall be 142.
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I have tried getting up early, and I have tried getting up late-and the latter agrees with me best.
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Talent without work is useless, thank God
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The altar cloth of one aeon is the doormat of the next.
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It is better to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise.
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I don't want my girl to be so skinny she can knife me with her knee.
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When the time comes that a man has had his dinner, then the true man comes to the surface
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Compliments make me vain: & when I am vain, I am insolent & overbearing. It is a pity, too, because I love compliments. I love them even when they are not so. My child, I can live on a good compliment two weeks with nothing else to eat.
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