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Imagine, if you will, that I am an idiot. Then, imagine that I am also a Congressman. But, alas, I repeat myself.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Imagine
Politics
Also
Congressman
Alas
Repeat
Repeats
Idiot

More quotes by Mark Twain

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It is agreed, in this country, that if a man can arrange his religion so that it perfectly satisfies his conscience, it is not incumbent on him to care whether the arrangement is satisfactory to anyone else or not.
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That cat will write her autograph all over your leg if you let her.
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I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics. No man can.
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...heaven for climate, and hell for society.
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Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse.
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The past does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.
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There is nothing training cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. It can turn bad morals to good it can destroy bad principles and recreate good ones it can lift men to angelship.
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In the real world, nothing happens at the right place at the right time. It is the job of journalists and historians to correct that.
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I have achieved my seventy years in the usual way: by sticking strictly to a scheme of life which would kill anybody else... I will offer here, as a sound maxim, this: That we can't reach old age by another man's road.
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It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race.
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What is there that confers the noblest delight? What is that which swells a man's breast with pride above that which any other experience can bring to him? Discovery!
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Bridgeport? Said I. Camelot, Said he.
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I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again.
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A sincere compliment is always grateful to a lady, so long as you don't try to knock her down with it.
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The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.
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As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake.
Mark Twain
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I heard a Californian student in Heidelberg say, in one of his calmest moods, that he would rather decline two drinks than one German adjective.
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Circumstances make man, not man circumstances.
Mark Twain
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In the ancient city of London, on a certain autumn day in the second quarter of the sixteenth century, a boy was born to a poor family of the name of Canty, who did not want him.
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There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that.
Mark Twain