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Imagine, if you will, that I am an idiot. Then, imagine that I am also a Congressman. But, alas, I repeat myself.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Idiot
Imagine
Politics
Also
Congressman
Alas
Repeat
Repeats

More quotes by Mark Twain

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When one's character begins to fall under suspicion and disfavor, how swift, then, is the work of disintegration and destruction.
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A group of men in evening clothes looks like a flock of crows, and is just about as inspiring.
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There isn't anything you can't stand if you are only born and bred to it.
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There is nothing in the world like a persuasive speech to fuddle the mental apparatus and upset the convictions and debauch the emotions of an audience not practiced in the tricks and delusions of oratory
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A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law.
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Often a quite assified remark becomes sanctified by use and petrified by custom it is then a permanency, its term of activity a geologic period.
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In India, 'cold weather' is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.
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It must be well-nigh a maximum of sense to behave so that one escapes being hanged.
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The introduction of homeopathy forced the old school doctor to stir around and learn something of a rational nature about his business. You may honestly feel grateful that homeopathy survived the attempts of the allopaths to destroy it.
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You can't pray a lie -- I found that out.
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One compliment can keep me going for a whole month.
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In my nostrils still lives the breath of flowers that perished twenty years ago.
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My advice to girls: first, don't smoke - to excess second, don't drink - to excess third, don't marry - to excess.
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If I were going to construct a God I would furnish him with some ways and qualities and characteristics which the Present One lacks... He would spend some of His eternities in trying to forgive Himself for making man unhappy when He could have made him happy with the same effort and He would spend the rest of them in studying astronomy.
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Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.
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We called him Barney for short. We couldn't use his real name, there wasn't time.
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If you need help identifying actionable analytics check out this post.
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A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?
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Memories which someday will become all beautiful when the last annoyance that encumbers them shall have faded out of our minds.
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Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
Mark Twain